Finally Doing Something Right

I have always wanted to write a book that is more serious and dramatic, but have been unable to keep to it. I always wanted it to be a dramatic love story, or about my life so I could include things that I have always wanted to say or to show what I go through and get a response. However, I can't believe I have never tried to write something about others and their problems. I won't say who, but I've been best friends with people who have eating disorders and depression and confidence issues. Since I always am getting mad at artists for not doing things with meaning, I figure I should as well. So I'm going to write a novel based on what my friends go through. It'll be through the point of view of someone on the outside, because I don't even want to pretend I know what they really go through, but I want it to be inspiring and leave a positive outlook to those who only see a negative one in their lives. Hopefully it will amount to something.

FAR BEHIND

Sometimes I just don't feel like spilling my guts to an invisible audience, but today I figure, why not? I am currently eating nutella on squaw bread :] It is sooo good. Also, I'm slowly but surely getting over my ex. He and I are still friends, but it's time for me to move on, or I never will. I'm working on three novels at the same time. I love them all equally. I FINISHED MY FIRST NOVEL! It's still in the editing process, but the first draft is finally complete. It's the one that is in the turn of the century that I've been working on since the end of my sophomore year of high school.

I've also been reading this book called "Novelist's Boot Camp" by Todd A. Stone. Not that I'm an idiot or anything, but it reminds me to do things and keeps me organized. It's been extremely helpful so far with working on 3 books at the same time (though I do not recommend being that crazy... one i finished, the other i'm working on with a friend, and the last one i just couldn't let the idea go to waste). My writing and work and school and friends have been keeping me extremely busy lately. I'm also looking into what schools I want to transfer to and getting financial aid. I'm pretty stuck between USD and UCSC. I have friends at both schools and I've been to USD twice now, but haven't visited UCSC yet. I'm supposed to go the week after their spring break, so hopefully going up there will help make or break my decision.

Anyways, I'm off to get ready for work. Still at Forever 21... Sigh... I'm doing pretty well there but it's just not enough hours, and it's just not the place for me. I think I'm going to try finding somewhere else.

And just because I'm nice, I'm going to tell you a little bit about a new budding crush I have. I won't get too specific, but he's in one of my classes and we've only known each other a little while, but we're already talking like old friends. I love that we're so open with one another and he seems like a really positive kind of guy. I really need that in my life right now. He always asks me about my writing and we talk about books and music and movies. He even drove me home one day even though it was past where he lives. I haven't seen him in a while and he works a lot so I don't text him very often, but I can't wait to see him next time.

All right, I'm off now~ bye!

The Break Up

So, I realized that I never told everyone that my boyfriend and I split. Not that I feel anyone cares, but I was reading through my last written blog, and it said he and were on a break. Well, we're not together anymore. We're still friends, though I feel him slipping away slowly. It makes me sad, because we're supposed to be best friends still. I just hope that throughout the years he and I never lose contact. Anyways, just a small update I suppose.

So many books, so little time

So, I realized that I'm a crazy person. Not for the obvious symptoms, which I also carry, but I am working on four different novels at the SAME time. I have my turn of the century novel that I'm too depressed to work on because for some reason all the quotation marks and apostrophes have disappeared. I have the novel that I'm working on with my friend Leah, though it's her turn for the chapter so I'm kind of on break with that one too. I have a new novel I've been working on recently about someone who finds herself in a different dimension. Then there was the novel that was basically an autobiography except I changed everyone's names. I think I kind of stopped on that one, because it wasn't really going anywhere. Life doesn't really have a plotline, it just sort of happens. Sometimes interesting things happen, but boring things generally lead up to it. LOTS of boring things in my life, well at least from a reader's standpoint. It just didn't feel like it was ever going to end, which technically I hope my life story doesn't end for QUITE some time, but as a story it just doesn't work. Anyways, I'm crazy, but I bounce around between them a lot, just too keep my creative juices flowing.

I also finally got sick, it's been about a year and half since the last time I did... or maybe just a year. My whole family has been sick for about a week, and I'm just now getting this weird bronchitis-like cough. I also have to close tomorrow, which sucks. I officially despise my assistant manager. It's like this weird rush in my veins of hatred whenever I see them. It comes out as being extremely respectful, but when she leaves I get this weird feeling of wanting to go into insane hysterics (yet again, I'm crazy). I wonder several times a day how she's been able to get to her position and how she's kept it.

Anywho, I can't really decide whether or not blogging is completely pointless. I mean, some people have these awesome blogs that talk about awesome things, and quote amazing people, etc. I however, repeat the mundane happenings of my life that no one really cares about. I wonder why it is that so many of us feel that our lives are so important that the whole wide web must know about it. I don't really feel like my life is important, or worth sharing really, but I guess in my case, it feels freeing to put things out there and see what happens. In my case, nothing happens. Hopefully, my fiction will get much more feed back than my reality.

inspiration :]

More Inspiration by rhodimer on Polyvore.com

The Life of Victoria Nox

The Life of Victoria Nox by rhodimer on Polyvore.com

I want to somehow include all of the pictures here somehow into my book that I'm writing with my friend Leah. I don't want to literally include them, but inspirationally, I hopefully can. Wish me luck.

"Hey, Welcome to Forever 21. Have you heard about..."

MY FEET HAVE OFFICIALLY DIED. I made the mistake of wearing heeled boots to work today

-_-. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot. In my defense, I might have been thrown in an oven if I had worn something un-stylish, and my flats aren't all that stylish. I lied. I have cute floral flat boots, but they only go with so many things. The customers like me though. The only frustrating thing was that every time a manager would stop by to check on me, I either looked like I wasn't doing anything because I just got back from helping a customer, my section was in a mess even though all other times it was clean... or I'd be folding jeans and someone would come walk in right as the manager came to tell me to greet all the customers, while pointing at them. >.> How am I supposed to greet them if the manager is telling me to greet them? Should I just drown her out and shout at the customers, "HI! WELCOME TO FOREVER 21!" I guess I should have. It's just hard to break the habit of not interrupting your superiors. Other than my feet, and being afraid my bosses think I'm not a good enough multi-tasker (if only they could watch me on video... I was amazing), I love working there. I'm just going to wear comfier shoes next time.

Anyways... I'm sure anyone who's been keeping track of my blog wants to know how my boyfriend and I are... We're on a break, actually. Long story short, it is a test to see if he can stand living without me, and I don't know when I'm going to see or talk to him again... if ever. I'm sure he would tell me... If not, I'm giving him a month. If he doesn't talk to me in a month telling me what's going on, then I'm going to just guess we aren't together anymore. Of course, we're not allowed to see other people, but I don't really mind. I'm trying so hard to busy myself, hanging out with friends, working on my novels, going on polyvore.com... I don't even have time to look at other guys, let alone go out with them, nor do I even want to. No one's good enough. I didn't realize just how much this whole thing hurts, (at present moment, I am still a mask of serenity) but I was reading this book yesterday? or maybe Wednesday... Anyways, it got to this part where the main character and her love interest kissed for the first time and I got all giddy, even squealed, and then immediately after I thought of how I don't know if I'm ever going to kiss him again and promptly broke into tears. It was the only time this whole time I've broken down. Of course, I have been having migraines and nausea the whole week whenever he comes to mind, or whenever anything remotely stressful comes along. But, I'm good... and no one really talks to me about it, so I almost feel like everyone's forgot. My subconscious is my best friend; if thoughts of him weren't shoved to my subconscious right now, I'd not be as mentally well as I am right now. Then again, that's not saying much because my mind is pretty much mush. Everything I do is all automatic things that have been engraved into my skull: smile wide, laugh hard but not too hard, make a witty remark, put on clothes, do homework, brush teeth, nod... the list goes on. I am getting scary good at appearing normal and happy, sometimes I even fool myself.