The Break Up

So, I realized that I never told everyone that my boyfriend and I split. Not that I feel anyone cares, but I was reading through my last written blog, and it said he and were on a break. Well, we're not together anymore. We're still friends, though I feel him slipping away slowly. It makes me sad, because we're supposed to be best friends still. I just hope that throughout the years he and I never lose contact. Anyways, just a small update I suppose.

So many books, so little time

So, I realized that I'm a crazy person. Not for the obvious symptoms, which I also carry, but I am working on four different novels at the SAME time. I have my turn of the century novel that I'm too depressed to work on because for some reason all the quotation marks and apostrophes have disappeared. I have the novel that I'm working on with my friend Leah, though it's her turn for the chapter so I'm kind of on break with that one too. I have a new novel I've been working on recently about someone who finds herself in a different dimension. Then there was the novel that was basically an autobiography except I changed everyone's names. I think I kind of stopped on that one, because it wasn't really going anywhere. Life doesn't really have a plotline, it just sort of happens. Sometimes interesting things happen, but boring things generally lead up to it. LOTS of boring things in my life, well at least from a reader's standpoint. It just didn't feel like it was ever going to end, which technically I hope my life story doesn't end for QUITE some time, but as a story it just doesn't work. Anyways, I'm crazy, but I bounce around between them a lot, just too keep my creative juices flowing.

I also finally got sick, it's been about a year and half since the last time I did... or maybe just a year. My whole family has been sick for about a week, and I'm just now getting this weird bronchitis-like cough. I also have to close tomorrow, which sucks. I officially despise my assistant manager. It's like this weird rush in my veins of hatred whenever I see them. It comes out as being extremely respectful, but when she leaves I get this weird feeling of wanting to go into insane hysterics (yet again, I'm crazy). I wonder several times a day how she's been able to get to her position and how she's kept it.

Anywho, I can't really decide whether or not blogging is completely pointless. I mean, some people have these awesome blogs that talk about awesome things, and quote amazing people, etc. I however, repeat the mundane happenings of my life that no one really cares about. I wonder why it is that so many of us feel that our lives are so important that the whole wide web must know about it. I don't really feel like my life is important, or worth sharing really, but I guess in my case, it feels freeing to put things out there and see what happens. In my case, nothing happens. Hopefully, my fiction will get much more feed back than my reality.

inspiration :]

More Inspiration by rhodimer on Polyvore.com

The Life of Victoria Nox

The Life of Victoria Nox by rhodimer on Polyvore.com

I want to somehow include all of the pictures here somehow into my book that I'm writing with my friend Leah. I don't want to literally include them, but inspirationally, I hopefully can. Wish me luck.

"Hey, Welcome to Forever 21. Have you heard about..."

MY FEET HAVE OFFICIALLY DIED. I made the mistake of wearing heeled boots to work today

-_-. Yeah, I know, I'm an idiot. In my defense, I might have been thrown in an oven if I had worn something un-stylish, and my flats aren't all that stylish. I lied. I have cute floral flat boots, but they only go with so many things. The customers like me though. The only frustrating thing was that every time a manager would stop by to check on me, I either looked like I wasn't doing anything because I just got back from helping a customer, my section was in a mess even though all other times it was clean... or I'd be folding jeans and someone would come walk in right as the manager came to tell me to greet all the customers, while pointing at them. >.> How am I supposed to greet them if the manager is telling me to greet them? Should I just drown her out and shout at the customers, "HI! WELCOME TO FOREVER 21!" I guess I should have. It's just hard to break the habit of not interrupting your superiors. Other than my feet, and being afraid my bosses think I'm not a good enough multi-tasker (if only they could watch me on video... I was amazing), I love working there. I'm just going to wear comfier shoes next time.

Anyways... I'm sure anyone who's been keeping track of my blog wants to know how my boyfriend and I are... We're on a break, actually. Long story short, it is a test to see if he can stand living without me, and I don't know when I'm going to see or talk to him again... if ever. I'm sure he would tell me... If not, I'm giving him a month. If he doesn't talk to me in a month telling me what's going on, then I'm going to just guess we aren't together anymore. Of course, we're not allowed to see other people, but I don't really mind. I'm trying so hard to busy myself, hanging out with friends, working on my novels, going on polyvore.com... I don't even have time to look at other guys, let alone go out with them, nor do I even want to. No one's good enough. I didn't realize just how much this whole thing hurts, (at present moment, I am still a mask of serenity) but I was reading this book yesterday? or maybe Wednesday... Anyways, it got to this part where the main character and her love interest kissed for the first time and I got all giddy, even squealed, and then immediately after I thought of how I don't know if I'm ever going to kiss him again and promptly broke into tears. It was the only time this whole time I've broken down. Of course, I have been having migraines and nausea the whole week whenever he comes to mind, or whenever anything remotely stressful comes along. But, I'm good... and no one really talks to me about it, so I almost feel like everyone's forgot. My subconscious is my best friend; if thoughts of him weren't shoved to my subconscious right now, I'd not be as mentally well as I am right now. Then again, that's not saying much because my mind is pretty much mush. Everything I do is all automatic things that have been engraved into my skull: smile wide, laugh hard but not too hard, make a witty remark, put on clothes, do homework, brush teeth, nod... the list goes on. I am getting scary good at appearing normal and happy, sometimes I even fool myself.

Maturity is over rated :/

My boyfriend and I just had a "mature" talk about our relationship. We've been dating for a year now, and it's not as good as it used to be, but neither of us is ready to give up just yet. It's weird though because he feels like a stranger now. The old boyfriend I used to know is gone; he's a ghost. I miss him. Apparently, although we're staying exclusive, we're going to try not to be so serious. We're going to try to make it happier and back to better days... but I don't even know where to start or how to get there. We're also trying not to smother each other too much, so I haven't really talked to him much and I probably won't see him till Wednesday or something. Sigh... Why is everything a big large 3 million piece puzzle? Why can't it be like when you were little and did the ten piece ones of Winnie the Pooh or Tinkerbell?

Happy Halloween! I guess.

Halloween is supposed to be the American Holiday where everyone dresses up as someone they want to be, can't ever be, or want to make fun of, or as something to scare everyone else with. This holiday though I've noticed is meant more for children. If I were to walk door to door dressed as a princess or a witch begging for candy, I'd get some weird looks and be told that the candy was destine for children. So, in order to hold on to the magic of Halloween, adults throw costume parties.

I guess if I were invited to one of these costume parties... that might be fun, but I have no clue what I am doing tonight. I think that I'm hanging out with my boyfriend, and we might be going to a Halloween party, but otherwise our plans don't go any further than being in each other's presence. Things have gotten so complicated as an adult. As a kid, you always know that you are dressing up and going to get tons of candy and will spend the rest of the night dividing it amongst your monster and princess friends. When you're older and you're "free" it's so much more confusing. Of course, I definitely don't want to be a kid again. I just want being an adult to be simpler...

I would also like to publish my novels, be known as the next J.K. Rowling, become a millionaire, make my books into movies, and buy a whole new wonderful indie wardrobe...

Yeah... wish me luck.